I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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