Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
