so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
