How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
another moral hangover. fuck.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
