How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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