There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
