they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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