I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I made him laugh his dick is mine
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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