when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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