And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
