i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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