yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
