Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
