drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
