Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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