We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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