Swine flu. Run for my life!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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