I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
