And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
