Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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