Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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