She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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