He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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