Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
my liver is dry heaving
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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