It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Are we still banned from the library?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
