he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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