Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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