Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
