If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
