ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
