i think i have two assholes
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
