I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
