roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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