I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
