She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
