I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
