Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
