But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
