I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
there is glitter all over my balls
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