It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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