I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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