im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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