I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
