So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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