Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
