I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
