I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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