He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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