please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
