he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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