did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
